A Thankful Post: Sometimes Failure is for the Best

After watching another BBC special last night, I went to bed extremely thankful that certain things in my life haven't worked out. No one is always good at everything, but still, I wanted to be the exception to the rule.  One area I am definitely not good at is dating. I suck. I pick people who are bad for me and my admiration of their virtues makes me completely blind to their faults.  Mostly it is harmless, but there have been those few bad choices that probably would have sent me over the edge.  Like the heroine in the BBC special, whose husband was a philandering idiot, and tried to make their son into a drunk when he was like 5 years old. Really now? A five year old. 

There was one scene that was particularly poignant. The heroine and her loser husband are arguing, and suddenly he grabs her by the neck and basically smashes her into the wall behind her.  After being a victim of physical abuse in a relationship, I know exactly how it feels, and how suddenly the fits of rage can come. The scene seemed like a moment in my life, replayed before my eyes. At that moment I thought: thank God for failure!  When the relationship ended, I was so young I didn't understand the blessing in disguise. Not that I am very old now, but I do know that there is a serious difference between the understanding of an 18 year old, and the understanding of a 25 year old. 

The American culture teaches a get-up-and-try-again mentality.  I think that this culture encourages abuse.  Because people think that things must work out, they must be able to master a situation and be good at something they try.  I never felt this pressure growing up; I felt confidence abandoning pursuits that did not seem to go in my favor.  There is a difference between failure in an area and hitting a rough patch.  However, the way that things are perceived culturally make this difference hard to come by.   This can be especially true with personal relationships, and the desire to mend (taught by tv or otherwise) when the reality is that the relationship is a failure.  And, though no one seems willing to admit it, you learn more in failure than in success.  But not just to get back on the horse. Maybe you learn that this horse isn't right for you, and you should try a pony next.  Or walking. Or just standing still. 

From someone who feels like failure is losing, and hates to lose, a failed relationship really sticks in my craw. I want to be good at everything, and have every relationship end with protestations of love, but realizations of impossibility.  This never seems to be what happens. Someone considers a restraining order. And in the extreme, I consider whether I should change my name. Not always; but enough to make me wonder just how I could be so bad at this. 

However, I do have the ability to look back and laugh at my choices. So  I am thankful that providence seems to intervene and help me escape the bad choices, and that I can celebrate the good ones.  Life is full of situations where we must make choices that open some doors and close others. Relationship choices are those types of situations.  And while we cannot take back what we have done, we can learn from it, and be glad when situations lead us to growth, change, and knowledge.  Sometimes failure at something really is best. It reminds us we are human. And, especially with personal relationships,  it can save us from a much worse situation down the road.