A Thankful Post: Sometimes Failure is for the Best

After watching another BBC special last night, I went to bed extremely thankful that certain things in my life haven't worked out. No one is always good at everything, but still, I wanted to be the exception to the rule.  One area I am definitely not good at is dating. I suck. I pick people who are bad for me and my admiration of their virtues makes me completely blind to their faults.  Mostly it is harmless, but there have been those few bad choices that probably would have sent me over the edge.  Like the heroine in the BBC special, whose husband was a philandering idiot, and tried to make their son into a drunk when he was like 5 years old. Really now? A five year old. 

There was one scene that was particularly poignant. The heroine and her loser husband are arguing, and suddenly he grabs her by the neck and basically smashes her into the wall behind her.  After being a victim of physical abuse in a relationship, I know exactly how it feels, and how suddenly the fits of rage can come. The scene seemed like a moment in my life, replayed before my eyes. At that moment I thought: thank God for failure!  When the relationship ended, I was so young I didn't understand the blessing in disguise. Not that I am very old now, but I do know that there is a serious difference between the understanding of an 18 year old, and the understanding of a 25 year old. 

The American culture teaches a get-up-and-try-again mentality.  I think that this culture encourages abuse.  Because people think that things must work out, they must be able to master a situation and be good at something they try.  I never felt this pressure growing up; I felt confidence abandoning pursuits that did not seem to go in my favor.  There is a difference between failure in an area and hitting a rough patch.  However, the way that things are perceived culturally make this difference hard to come by.   This can be especially true with personal relationships, and the desire to mend (taught by tv or otherwise) when the reality is that the relationship is a failure.  And, though no one seems willing to admit it, you learn more in failure than in success.  But not just to get back on the horse. Maybe you learn that this horse isn't right for you, and you should try a pony next.  Or walking. Or just standing still. 

From someone who feels like failure is losing, and hates to lose, a failed relationship really sticks in my craw. I want to be good at everything, and have every relationship end with protestations of love, but realizations of impossibility.  This never seems to be what happens. Someone considers a restraining order. And in the extreme, I consider whether I should change my name. Not always; but enough to make me wonder just how I could be so bad at this. 

However, I do have the ability to look back and laugh at my choices. So  I am thankful that providence seems to intervene and help me escape the bad choices, and that I can celebrate the good ones.  Life is full of situations where we must make choices that open some doors and close others. Relationship choices are those types of situations.  And while we cannot take back what we have done, we can learn from it, and be glad when situations lead us to growth, change, and knowledge.  Sometimes failure at something really is best. It reminds us we are human. And, especially with personal relationships,  it can save us from a much worse situation down the road. 

Faith Based Healthcare? For the Provider, no less!

A CNN Article about healthcare workers following their own beliefs was troubling for me. Here is the article: http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/12/18/provider.conscience/index.html.

When I was 20, I had a pregnancy scare.  The pharmacy where I got my birth control pills was closed for some reason, so I had gone to a different place.  The pharmacy where I went gave me pills that were more than two years pass the expiration date.  When I called, they told me that they don't condone sex without marriage, and that they did not sell the morning after pill.  When I missed my period, I was quite certain I was pregnant.  I was a junior in college at the time, at the end of my Junior year. I was stressed out of my mind, and went to see my regular doctor at the student clinic for a pregnancy test and to discuss my options. My boyfriend showed up, and I was so mad I refused to talk to him.  I was so confused by the way that a stupid situation could change my life. 

The first thing that my doctor told me was that he does not perform abortions, and he doesn't think that I should get one either. He explained his theory of life. Then he gave me my options. 

Fortunately I was not pregnant.  But to this day, I don't know what I would have done if I was.  It was one of the most frightening times in my life.  I appreciated that my doctor took the time out to discuss options that, in reality, were not things of his choosing.  He of course, before I left, reminded me that abstinence is the best policy. And wrote a prescription for the morning after pill. 

I always admired my doctors ability to walk a line.  He was a wonderful conservative Christian who really practiced what he believed.  But he provided excellent medical care, and gave his patients, many of them young women, all the options.  That has got to be hard at a college clinic.  But I know that it helped me stay both safe and informed during college, and helped me make smarter decisions about my sexual health.  

As a conservative Christian and attorney, I understand the troubling intersection between faith and choice when you are advising someone else.  What concerns me with the new agency rules and guidelines, with the force of law, is that it impacts the duty of a healthcare professional to discuss options.  And that is really important. 

I further wonder about the legal implications of this.  Some may not know it, but when the United States Supreme Court made its historic decision in Rowe v. Wade, the child at the center of the discussion was almost 3 years old.  I often wonder how that child feels today, a kind of hail mary pass in the annals of legal theory.  And I wonder what a challenge to these rules would look like.  

I also wonder about the people who make such a choice and their real dedication to a child's life.  I often see people picketing at the Planned Parenthood down the street from where I live. I pass it on my way to work in the morning, and at least a few times a week there are people there with signs. I just wonder if they don't realize that there is another growing crisis around them.  Right now, the departments that handle children who are abused or neglected are having the same budget shortfalls as other agencies.  Children are being returned who should not be, simply because there is no where to put them.  Do they think about that, and the life of abused and unwanted child can face.  We owe a duty to children, not just in the womb, but thereafter.  Fortunately, the child in Roe v. Wade had a mother who could have afforded, both emotionally and financially, to have another child.  But some women, like a 20 year old college student who realized that her pregnancy would mean she was kicked out of college, and that her life would change forever, wouldn't have the liberty to make such a choice.   A woman, and man, in a position dealing with sexual health, needs all the options. 

Imagining a Change from Consumerism

****Ed. Note***** I know nothing about the Obama birth certificate controversy, nor am I advocating having children at home.

One of my favorite law blogs, the Wall Street Journal Law blog, had a few entries on the multitude of law suits against Obama stating that he was not a US Citizen.  The crux of the issue was a live birth certificate, with, what the observers called, faulty information.

About a year ago, I received a call from my mother, letting me know that on a trip home for a birthday of one of her sibilings (I think it was my second oldest uncle), she went to the house where she was born in Ellisville, GA.  My mother, who is younger than Obama, was born in a house.  And so were at least 13 of her 14 siblings.  And it hit me, in reading this article, that no one knows where Obama was born definitively because, a fact that all such articles don't seem to mention, a great deal of babies weren't born in hospitals.  And parents would get certificates of birth months, or even years, later.  It does present an interesting conundrum for citizenship. Is my mother really a citizen because she was born in a house, and her birth certificate is strangely silent about many of the facts surrounding her birth (while it does proclaim her colored, and born, that is about it)?  For all I know, she was born in Mexico (a few miles away?).   If you look at, say my most recent nieces birth certificate (she is 7 months old), it gives so many statistics about her birth it's like information overload, with handprints and footprints, eye color, weight, circumference, and anything else you could possibly want to know about a new born child, including the county and city in the state she was born in.  Do we really need all those statistics?  By the way, my mother's birth was probably nearly free. Try having a baby for under $5,000 and get back to me.

Why the great increase in cost? And is it really worth it? Salaries have not increased by 1000% since 1959. They average a 100% increase over about 20 years.  The cost of child birth, without insurance, prices some people right out of the market.  And perhaps explains why so few people are willing to have very many in this day and age.  I don't know what is to blame: the astronomical rise in the cost of health care,  the tort system that makes insurance so necessary and costly, or the societal belief that we must do all we can, so that we will not feel guilty if things go wrong. 

How does this relate to consumerism? I think that, in an attempt to be knowledgeable we pay for excess. And it is the expensive brand of consumerism that Americans are allowed to have.  We want to be inundated with knowledge.  And safety.  Not necessarily the kind we must work for and seek. But the kind that comes with a price tag. Which is another reason I think higher education can be so costly.  This type of consumerism is like a right of passage.  And I think it is why no one talking about birth certificates is talking about home births, for fear we may wake up and realize that we don't need all the stuff that the media, in the guise of "teaching us" is pushing. Because there was a time when we didn't.  

Again, not advocating home births!  And this post isn't about Obama, just the things that are left out when people have a discussion. 

Communication Lessons Are Helpful for More Than Married Couples

Relationships are always more complicated than they seem.  There is the history that the relationship contains.  There is the future that the relationship represents.  There is the individual goals of the two parties.  After seeing my parents this weekend, who are separated, and talking to my little brother, who recounted that their relationship is, well, rather stable, I couldn't help but think about other relationships that need to read points of stability.

A current relationship that is soon to be in the news is the relationship between the United Auto Workers Union and American auto makers.  If the companies go bankrupt, the theory is that many of their obligations to the union will be discharged. 

The UAW union and American auto makers like GMAC and Chrysler have had a rocky relationship with unions since the beginning. Perhaps it is all owed to Ford, that went on a limb to hire minorities and women in a bid to pay lower wages.  Perhaps part of the problems come from unions that have historically discriminated against women and minorities, and today seem to have a hard time integrating new Americans into their affinity.  Two problematic histories collide, and the problems grow. 

But both the union and the company serve important purposes for maintaining a viable workforce.  They should have a good relationship, one that preserves workers and keeps companies moving.  

In the sixth grade, the teachers in the Dayton City School System went on a strike for several weeks. At first, it was fun, because the substitutes that we had were very easy.  However, after going home and telling my mother that I watched the first half of the  safe sex special by Magic Johnson, she pulled us from the school, and I still don't know what happened at the end.   And I remember the caustic picket line and seeing my loving teachers act out of character, yelling and screaming at those who crossed the lines.  Years later, when discussing a picket at a local grocery store with a high school teacher who took part in the strike when I was in grade school, I was told that either you are a person who crosses pickets or you aren't. I don't think it is that easy, as picking sides in a relationship you need to survive.  

Recently, I came across a list of layoffs on vault.com.  While discussing the current environment for employees, co-workers and I opined that we would take a pay cut to keep our jobs.  In it's inception, a workers union existed to pass on the collective voice of the employee to the employer. Perhaps, before a major company like Cysco Systems laid off several thousand employees, they might have passed along a minor paycut to their workers, resulting in workers keeping their jobs, and still saving the company millions in the bottom line.  But without that collective intelligence, and some greater entity for bargaining, and perhaps justifiably so after decades of both entities failing, with far too narrow a vision, to meet their potential, companies will continue to send this economy spiraling downward.  Which is sad, because the infrastructure is there, and the potential is there, but the ideas of working hard, and pulling together, and general nostalgia that allegedly made this company great can be resurrected. Through employers listening to their employees and giving them a seat at the table where management decisions are made.  And through employees coming together and ignorning superficial differences like accents and skin color to develop a collective good for every employee. 

Debt Only Has a Downside

Debt is like a shackle around a wrist, like a ball and chain.  And today, higher education means that many a student has a significant amount of debt and nothing but an informed mind to show for it. 

Even though the market is actually relatively stable, considering, for young workers and college graduates, it is still a scary place to be considering a move or starting a career. 

And, the situation is getting more and more complicated because of student debt. College costs have increased by 300% in the past thirty years.  Incomes have only increased by about half that.  Endowments are plummeting during this time period.  Scholarships are suffering as a result. And the federal government isn't giving more money to students as a response to the increase in costs.

The increase in debt means fewer choices for students when they graduate.  This could discourage individuals with gifts for areas that doesn't pay as well, such as academia or non-profits.  Graduating with debt will make students more risk adverse in their career choices. You will see fewer start-ups from individuals outside of the monied America, the individuals in a position to challenge the status quo.  Entrepreneur-ship is important, because it keeps industry moving forward. Once an idea becomes established, and the individuals running this idea maintain little incentive for progress, young entrepreneurs are the ones who push the envelope. But the new crop of graduates, saddled with house-sized debt, will be much more reluctant to push anything, except paper for a paycheck. 

And finally, greater debt will cause a much more conservative graduate, especially after witnessing the fast and hard fall of the generation before it. This economic downturn will probably squeeze whatever little entreprenual spirit is left out of the recent and soon to be graduates. They will find a job, and work, keeping their heads down and below the radar.  Perhaps it is how the media tells the tell, but specials on failing small businesses and giant news stories on ailing business giants make it seem that this climate isn't a good one for a new idea, or even some old ones. Perhaps a few current students will take heart, and go start the next Microsoft. But a young Gates successor seems unlikely in the generation that may be known for having significant debt before buying anything. 

I also wonder if the mountain of debt recent and future college graduates have will further forestall important life events like marriage and home ownership. But only time will tell. 

Teach People How To Treat You

As a young, unattached worker, my schedule is very flexible. But even still, things happen that affect my ability to work at any hour.  And my religious convictions mean that one day of the week, I don't work. 

Even given enormous flexibility, I still have problems with work. In college, I had a terrible experience with a stalker on the campus safety force. I nearly had a nervous breakdown, and I needed a couple of days to recoup.  My employer reluctantly gave me two days off, but then decided that those two days meant I wouldn't receive my stipend (less than minimum wage, but I was receiving college credit) for the entire week. I don't think she meant to be difficult, but it was no way to respond to an employee who was having a very difficult time.  I didn't know what to do about it. However, I began to be less flexible, and reminded her that in reality I was only supposed to be there for 10 hours a week, not the 30+ I had been doing. 

I learned the hard way, through an awful summer intern position, that I needed to let people know about my religious convictions up front. Mostly because I was treated badly because I had to leave a firm event at sunset Friday. And also because people seemed to relish in giving me projects that I could "just put a Saturday in" and be done with. 

I don't think that every instance was malicious. But I do think that for some reason, being young and unattached seems to signal that you are constantly available, and that your time is completely open to your employers discretion. 

As a solution to this problem, I have learned the importance of drawing lines, and sticking to them. That is the only way to avoid working 24/7 at someone else's discretion.  And, as both a work principle and a life principle, I have learned that you must teach people how to treat you. That doesn't mean that you will greet the individual who attempts to upset your planned vacation with curses. But it does mean that you will press the person for other solutions to their needs.  Technology will allow you to work in many places, and a discussion about the real time needs of the project may help the person get a better idea of how their Saturday night demand is arbitrary. 

On the off chance (ha!) that you meet someone who really is purposefully trying to upset your life, you must also teach them how to treat you. It is highly unlikely that you are the only person at your job who knows how to do what you do. Provide them with their options.  And, it is equally as unlikely that the document that you are working on must be finished on a Sunday (most clients aren't in on Sunday, and the post office/ups/fedex doesn't even deliver or pick up). Forcing the person you are working with, politely, to acknowledge the fact that weekend work is really for Monday, and that you can finish the assignment just as easy on Monday morning will work in your favor.   You can gently guide that plan buster to the realization that your time is more valuable, and that you are productive enough to have a life. 

Releasing your life to someone else's whims will ruin it. Maybe this is what happened to the individual who is trying to upset your life. Maybe they don't want to go home. Maybe they don't have anyone who they want to spend time with. That doesn't have to be you, and you need to show the people in your life they matter, and the purposeful "life busting" fellow employee that you will not let this happen to you.  But do it in a nice way, so that the person won't know what hit them! Remember,  the ultimate goal is always to teach the person, politely, how you want to be treated. 

Networking Secrets: the More Personal the Better (for Clients)

Being married to a client is the best way to keep them. As long as you stay married.   This is because the most stable relationships are often the most intimate.  Family and close friends make great clients, because they feel obligated to use your services. 

Many people discourage mixing business and "pleasure." But I have personal history that has taught me otherwise.  When I was in high school, I needed to sell these really awful noodles in order to raise money for a choir trip. I tried selling them to strangers, but no one seemed interested in multi-colored noodles that were shaped like musical instruments.  Then I hit up the family connection. I sold over 20 boxes of $5.00 noodles, that happened to be inedible. My mother bought at least four. My grand mother too. I got to go on my choir trip. 

Recent "research" shows that people like to do things or people who do things for them. People do things for people they like.  In a study, people went into a room and took a test with a stranger. One individual was selling cookies, and asked their fellow test taker to purchase cookies. They received mediocre responses. Until they changed the plan; before the test was over, during a break, the individual who would be offering to sell cookies bought the other test taker a soda.  After the end of the test, the individual again asked his or her fellow test-taker to buy cookies from them.  The individuals asked after being bought a soda bought several times more cookies than the individuals who were just asked without being given anything. 

Perceived relationship and history matters.  And the more of it, and the more sense of obligation the better.  So when you think of networking, and clients, think about opportunities around you, through family and friends, and don't be afraid to ask from those who love you. 

Working Lady, not so Pretty Woman

Pretty Woman is one of my favorite movies of all time. Not for the lessons about money and power, which in reality are rather disturbing. I like it because of the idea, of a modern day prince. The last sequence of the movie, when Richard Gere climbs the fire escape and "rescues" Julia Roberts, that is the scene that makes the movie. 

Right now, I want to be rescued. But not from a career which, so far, is very interesting and provides the variance in life that I need. And not from a boring life; I really like my life, though it isn't nearly as exciting as I would have dreamed.  I just want to be rescued. I want someone to proclaim their love for me for some reason. The thing is, I don't really need to be rescued.  So I wonder if someone ever will climb a fire escape, or even stairs, to make some life changing declaration. I don't think that such a declaration exists. 

I feel like the fact that I'm not a woman who needs things makes it even more difficult. I break the feminine "mold" if you will; I violate the stereotype. I have no fantasy or illusion of a charmed stay-at-home life. It would drive me crazy. Having a job gives me something to do every day. And I like it. And I am not working for the moment to meet the rich guy who changes everything. I'm not working for the man.  I'm want to be man. 

But I still want to be in a relationship. A healthy relationship with someone who compliments me. Maybe I need an emotional rescue. An emotional meeting with my own version of Richard Gere. I guess only time will tell. 

When the Oppressed Becomes the Oppressor

Last year, an ABA article discussed partner/senior associate preferences for mid-level, young associates. The most amazing part was, female associates disproportionately preferred working with male senior associates/partners. The overall complaint was that female partners expected more and were more difficult to work with for female associates. 

This is a familiar complaint for female associates in my anecdotal experiences.  For example, there was an associate who would assign projects to summer associates and always give them bad reviews. Of course the associate was a woman.  I have heard similar experiences from associates of color, and I believe my own experience supports this. 

Perhaps this is because of the socialization pressures that exist for female partners, and how hard a woman had to have worked to become a partner. But, perhaps there is another factor at play. The fact that formerly oppressed individuals tend to be the worst oppressors. 

This thought came to my mind after elections, and after hearing that the blame for the passing of Proposition 8 in California is being placed on homophobic black voters.  Minority groups tend to try harder to blend, and be even more oppressive to those who do not fit into the stereotypical views of the majority. Minority groups also tend to be slower to change, and more religious (mostly Christian).  It protects visions of community. It also causes homophobic beliefs to thrive in a higher proportion than within the general population. 

I feel that, sadly, much of this blame is honest, because it is the same factor present for why female managers had such a bad rap among female employees (and even male employees) in the late eighties/early nineties. It is why when groups that have lacked power obtain it, there is often a blood bath.  I think it is difficult to forget the painful experience of obtaining power, or even being viewed as human and respected, and the urge to make someone else pay just like you have must be overwhelming.  

Context is an Invaluable Thing

The Reverend Wright Scandal was not a big surprise for me, and I was not offended at all by the snippets of what he said. Mostly, this was because I carefully read and listened to what he said, and more than one touted statement was a quote.  The second reason is, I went to a religious school, with a very diverse student population, and there were two churches on one campus within a couple hundred feet of one another. A Black church and a White church. The White church even had the nerve to preach against the Black church. The pastor said the division was sad, because we were all God's children (or something sophisticated, along those lines).  The entire debate was what was really sad, because it revealed the fundamental misinformation, and lack of context, that the White church had on what the Black church represents. 

In college, and now, I spent my days in a world where I was the exception rather than the rule. There weren't a lot of Black english majors, or a lot of Black honors students.  And, no matter what anyone says, people prefer people who look like them. It shows them their own potential. And there is an assumed shared experience. Whether this is true or not is irrelevant. It is a socialized aspect of humanity. It is why women and men will gravitate towards one another in a room. It is why groups of friends tend to share physical attributes.  It is why I went to the Black church. 

At the university, the only day of the week where I saw people in positions of responsibility who looked like me was at church. And, the preacher acknowledged this shared experience in his sermons.  I have the human condition of enjoying being around people who look like me. That is why I believe churches are segregated and will remain segregated until this tendency is eradicated for the socialization process. 

Because of this context, at university, the sermons were different in the Black versus the White church. The Black preacher talked about the shared experience, about the hurdles the church member experienced, about the reason that he or she was in that church building and not 200 feet away, at the White church.  The sermons were firey. The rhetoric was intense. The service always ran long, and no one complained. This was at the Black church.  This was, pretty much, the opposite of the White church. 

This is why I understand Reverend Wright. Do I agree with everything he says? No. But the things that he said are whispered quietly in diverse communities by the Black community members, and discussed loudly at family events for Black families. I heard about the "AIDS conspiracy" long before Reverend Wright preached it (about 10 years ago, not yesterday, but whatever).  Furthermore, because many Black people feel like they are strangers and outcasts in this country, I understand why the idea of saying "God damn America" just might be what you want to hear, after a work week of feeling like you were being dumped on by all the accepted "Americans" around you.  America has a very negative history of race relations. This history is reinforced every time the media talks about men murdered by police officers, and missing Black children reported on years after their disappearance.  If you weren't a recipient of this negative history, you probably wouldn't think about this. Maybe not ever. But if you live in a world that looks nothing like you, and you struggle to fit in, and struggle to make your way, because of something about you that you didn't choose and had no part in, this history would be weighing on your mind regularly, a painful reminder of all the things in the world we can't control. 

Don't Let "You" Get In The Way Of Your Success

In the book "How to Make People Like You" a central theme is evident: people are alike. Fundamentally, for both needs and desires. That is why techniques that really work, work on everyone.  And this leads to a universal but rarely embraced truth: you really aren't special. I am not special. You and I are like everyone else. Sure, we have particular stories and particular successes and failures, but the general theme of our lives are not that different from the man across the street. 

It might be hard to understand, but as soon as you do, this will be very helpful in your day to day relationships. That is, if you will let it. Understanding that your desires coincide with those of your neighbor, and that you really can present this as a way to get ahead, is important. The question then becomes, how will you use it. 

There are a lot of really annoying lawyers. Lawyers who do things that are down right despicable. Lawyers who scheme and scam to get ahead. Lawyers who are just down right annoying. But there is an annoying scheming scammer in all of us. We really are no different.  We just make different choices.  And what is life, really, but the sum of your choices?

If you, however, remain convinced that you are special, that you are unique, and that your needs are somehow truly peculiar, in a good way, you are only setting yourself up for failure. Because you will present yourself as someone apart, and really, people don't like that.  

Like-able people are more successful. Not just because they are like-able, but because they think about others and it makes them more like-able. People do things for people they like.  People who feel they are special are probably thinking all about themselves.  People who accept their shared humanity can put their selfishness to bed, and work objectively on meeting their success objectives.

A quick exercise in being more like-able: rather than think about yourself in a situation, find out about other people. Observe the things in your boss's office, and ask questions. Google things you may or may not understand, so that you can speak from a position of knowledge.  Ask for their feedback, and really listen and engage in what they are saying. Treat them how you would like to be treated, as if they are important. It will make you more like-able, and more important, in their eyes. And, this will ultimately make you more successful at what you do. Because people will want to do things for you. 

Chicken Little Moment: Recession Fears Grow But There Is A Glimmer of Hope

A recession, by definition, is two or more (depending on who you talk to) months of no GDP, or negative GDP. Even a $200+  stimulus check didn't pull us out of the hole we are in. Even a trillion dollar loan to the financial industry didn't pull us out of the hole we are in. Even a conspiracy by the gasoline industry, lowering the cost of gasoline to unprecedented levels, and still we remain in a hole. 

About every other day there are rumors of layoffs. Some of these rumors come to fruition, like Goldman Sachs just officially announced layoffs. I heard about these via the "rumor" mill almost a month ago. 

This is a scary time to be a young worker. But I think that, because of the coming shortage of man power, there will be a strong bounce back. And young employees are smart; they don't put all their eggs into one basket, and they are obsessed about training and development, as well as education.  

A talking head on CNN last night said that the economy has "bounced back". He said that, because the markets are generally up, the Dow by over 1000 points from it's low last week, that he thinks the time to buy on a bargain is past. I am taking his optimistic forecast with a grain of salt as banks still hoard money.  Companies are still trimming their workforce. I don't know if it is so much because they need to or because they can, and use the economic climate as an excuse. Only time will tell how things will work out, but I do see light at the end of the tunnel. Companies have not adequately invested in technological solutions, which means that they still require a premium in man power. And everything can't go overseas; they still have to deal with some customers face to face. They still have to move goods back into the country. And they still need a US base to address these issues. 

My "Historical" Perspective on the Current Election Drama

I am very proud to be American because of this election. For the first time in my life. If you don't like it, this is America, and I am exercising my First Amendment right.  But you can exercise your's, and be as proud of this economy going down the toilet place as you want, for as far back in its sordid and abusive past as you would like. I read by history book, and slavery, followed by colonization is an ugly thing. 

The first election I remember clearly is Bill Clinton's first term.  I remember sitting election night with my own map on the living room coffee table, a blue and red crayon beside the map.  I watched anxiously as election results came in, and felt very sad about being shooed to bed before California precincts were all in, even though the news heads, and I,  knew that Clinton had taken California.  

I remember my father announcing that he didn't trust Clinton, and how he had not voted. My mother sheepishly admitted she voted for Ross Perot.  I remember Perot as the first serious third-party presidential contender of our time.  And the most serious since.  However you feel about the Green party, or Libertarians, they have made a limited splash.  Around this time, my first clear election memory, I also had the realization that the biggest issue for non-Democrat/Republican candidates isn't just the third-party status but money.  Evidently money really does make the world go round, even in politics. 

What The Past Evolution in Employment Has Taught Us: Only You Care About You

A consistent gripe against young workers is that they have no loyalty to the company.  This gripe is based on an idea that young workers feel entitled.  However, there is another reason for the lack of loyalty. 

In college, one of my favorite professors gave me some great advice: no one cares about your career but you. While companies will claim that this isn't true, that loyalty is repaid, after analyzing the career progression of an attorney who is loyal to the company, I would beg to differ. 

In the law industry, young associates begin their journey in their mid to late twenties, and work hard to impress the people around them. Some of these associates work their way up the ranks, growing in skill and developing books of business, and progress to partners.  The really lucky ones who stick with it get to become equity partners, and make the big bucks.  These lawyers have arrived. Or have they?

A few years ago, several partners at different firms launched massive law suits. They had been de-equitized with a vote. To be an equity partner, you have to put a significant amount of money into the partnership, and "buy" a piece, if you will.  However, being de-equitized is evidently as simple as a vote from some unimpressed colleagues, who are just waiting for you to slip up and reveal your reference at some company for whom you get the credit for the business brought in.  Evidently, arriving as an equity partner is not the end of the story.  Because at some point, you will become "old" in the eyes of the attorneys around you, your great book of business will be scavengered and picked through.  You will be de-equitized, and lose your position in the partnership. You will be over the hill, and no one will listen to you. 

When the traditional model of the worker bee meets the corporate structure,  you will get used up by the system. Young employees have a very clear view of this model, from watching their parents get used, and see with the baby boomers who struggle for recognition in their fields as their contemporaries increasingly try to push them out.  Young employees see how difficult it is to stay relevant, and fend off the competition.  If this is loyalty, loyalty is an ugly thing.

The Good, The Bad, The Overworked

Recently, I have been working all day on random projects at work, and working all night on reviewing documents.  But I am not complaining. I have a job.

This week, I felt like chicken little when I talk about the economy in general or the current state of the job economy. Our clients are laying off. They are moving jobs overseas. They are worsening the panic.

The thing is, why not? Why not save money? Here is my theory on why, and why this will ultimately backfire.

A. The Why

Many things have contributed to the demise of the old way that the economy worked. It's rise began with the labor movement at the turn of the century. People were tired of losing their arms and legs because of faulty factory equipment, only to be turned out into the street because they were now unable to work.  Little children slaved away for nothing, just to be able to eat a crust of bread. The environment was there to destroy. 

Labor unions were a good thing to begin with. They provided worker stability, doing what labor laws are doing in China right now.  Collective bargaining agreements functioned like contracts with employees, protecting them from the whims of employers, protecting them from the old policies that would take an arm or limb and leave them to the poor house. 

But, like everything else, approaches must evolve, but the entrenched it slow to change. Which makes it die. And the old methods and conventions are starting to die.  An example of this is the American auto industry.  Because they were so resistant to change, there might just be one brand left standing by the beginning of the year.  

The response to the development of pressure to "behave" from both employers and the federal government is to go elsewhere, where the pressure doesn't exist.  Many countries, desperate for the influx of money that having a multi-national corporation can bring, eagerly offer themselves as homes to these companies, proud of their lack of regulations.  Then investors, in position of power, encourage trade agreements that allow companies to bring back in their goods.

B. The results and repercussions

The great thing that happened with Ford cars when they invented the assembly line: worker's brought cars.   It really makes sense. If you have these wonderful projects, and you are able to produce them for much cheaper out of the country, the question then becomes who will buy them when they return? If all of your traditional customers are unemployed, because everyone is doing what you are doing, who will buy your product? 

Right now, with the crash on wall street, with the massive layoffs and job exportation, who will buy the products that people abroad make? 

The additional issue is without the environmental concerns and restrictions abroad, will companies in the pursuit of profit be destroying the environment even faster. 

When I was 16, I went to Honduras for a mission trip. Aside from the extreme hypocrisy that this trip revealed, I remember a surreal moment where I watched a man going into a factory wearing a pair of jeans that in a department store would have cost $50 or $60 dollars.  He was walking into a clothing sweat shop that was making Tommy Hillfigure Jeans. 

The Bail Out: A good thing for lawyers; a bad thing for everyone else?

The truth is, no one really knows what the bailout will do. There isn't an administrative infrastructure in place to dole out money, like say with federal grants and the FAFSA. There isn't any history. It reminds me of the danger of taking a class from a new teacher who has never taught the class and for whom there is no notes; who knows how things will turn out!

But already, it seems that the bailout is good for lawyers. At my law firm, clients are asking questions. And, partners with regulatory experience (we have an office in DC) are ready to lead. A new practice group, it seems, is developing all over this bailout, and the cost, after generating this kind of buzz, is likely to not stay at 700billion. Not when there is so much need by the legal industry to generate fees!

But is it good for everyone else? I have no idea. It doesn't purport to buy up mortgages and reset interest rates.  It "possibly" gives the federal government the power to do that. Considering what the priorities have been in the past, oh, 50 or so years, this is highly unlikely as a priority in the context of this piece of legislation. Not when wall street is sinking faster than the Titanic. 

It doesn't generate jobs, or penalize companies who are cutting jobs and taking them outside of the US. That would be a true "new Deal"-like legislative move, but I guess the politicians don't have the balls of  FDR. Or didn't agree with him. Hindsight does tend to be 20/20.

Right now, it doesn't do anything to help with inflation. Right now, the very idea of it is sending the markets into a tailspin, on fears that to pay for the program the federal government is just printing 700billion plus more US dollars, to be placed in auspicious suitcases and handed out to the most needy wall street millionaire. 

Now, I am just providing conjecture, and elaborating based on grape vine law firm information. But I do hope that this deal ends up doing more for the American people who are funding it than it seems to say on paper. 

And in case my sarcacism isn't clear, I do not support the bailout, as is. I think it is a piece of legislation that is disrespectful to the millions of Americans who pay taxes every day and are struggling from high gas prices without relief, high food prices, or even worrying they will lose their houses.  

When Religious/Personal Convictions Become a Liability

Personal and religious convictions can be a liability when others do not subscribe to the same convictions. It is infinitely difficult to "turn the other cheek," a Christian principle,  when you know the next blow will come. In fact, in business, when the entire goal is to make a profit, such behavior is suicidal and against the profit mantra. Here is what I mean:

1. Truly altruistic kindness kills. You and your career/business.

Being kind to others sounds nice. It looks nice on paper, and resounds well with general religious principles. And not just Christian.  But being kind would mean NOT making a drug that you know kills people, even though you will still make billions of dollars after the law suit dust settles. Being kind would mean NOT using products you know are dangerous to the people near your plants, because it will kill them, even though you know the rewards greatly outweigh the gains. And being kind would mean NOT getting ahead on the work of your subordinate, but rather allowing them their time to shine, and not badmouthing a co-worker because you and she are competing for work. Even if it means you will make your career.  Kindness is not easy. Or necessarily profitable. 

2. Giving things away to those in need does not make business sense.

The idea of charity, for the feel-good-ness of it, does not work within a valid business model. Charity is only done for a tax break. And to improve your brand image. And only when both happen at the same time. Nothing is ever really for free. Same with one's work mantra; helping people who won't be able to benefit you isn't a sound idea.  It doesn't give you anything back but an intangible good feeling. 

3. Stealing is not bad. If you want to get ahead.

People steal. Ideas. Clients. Money. And they get ahead. Whether the meek will inherit the earth is up for grabs, but the people who literally stole land, resources, and other people sure are running things right now. So this idea about theft is an interesting one. The game plan seems to be that stealing is ok when what you are stealing is not a crime. Like stealing ideas that aren't patented/copyrighted. Or stealing ideas because of proprietary agreements (a la Matel v. Bratz litigation).  

4. Life is not fair. Be fair at your own risk.

Corporations get sued every day because they were trying to be fair. They didn't fire an underperforming employee because they wanted to give them a second chance (after all, it's only fair). The employee sues.  Individuals believing in fairness enter verbal agreements. And get screwed. A verbal contract is invalid for anything over $1000, or a host of other reasons. Life is truly not fair, so looking for fairness in an unfair world can put you out. Out of work. 

I am having problems at work. And I know a huge part of it is that I subscribe heavily to the Christian mantras of kindness, fairness, and general civility, that sometimes bites you in the you-know-where. I haven't figured out how to handle it. I do know how to drop these principles and fight dirty. But I don't like that version of myself. Regardless of what is valuable to success at a random corporation, I have to look at myself in the mirror.  I am still that person who will give her last to someone she loves, and gladly go hungry. I don't want to lose her to a pursuit of money. So, I am constantly in search of a community that values civility and hard, competent, work as much as I do. This must mean I haven't found such a place at work.  It doesn't mean I will stop trying. If Chik-Fil-A can close on Sundays because of religious piety (though I don't agree with the day, I admire the principle) and still make a profit, maybe there is a place for the kind people of the world after all.  Perhaps, when the dust really settles, the meek, kind, and genuinely benevolent, will inherit the earth. 

This is the Last Thing I will say about it...

So, I am totally election-newsed out. Completely. But the female embaressment that is Palin stories keep arriving at my doorstep (and trust, I am no longer looking for them, after I read the entire interview and after I listened to innane comments comparing her to Obama when all I really wanted to know was "why?").

After the Katie Couric interview, which I watched in it's entirety via youtube, I am officially anti-Palin. I wasn't even anti-Bush. And, FYI, I was pro-Hillary.  I actually would be voting for McCain if Obama (and honestly, Hillary would have been here too) were not an alternative. I like lower taxes for my tax bracket.  I often voted for Republican candidates in state elections; I like lower taxes for my food, car, and everything else. The Republican candidates kept their word; while they weren't grand at bringing in businesses, they were grand at keeping the tax rate down. So don't judge my political alligiances just yet. And, you don't know why I am voting for Obama. But I digress.

The interview. What a f-ing disaster! I have been interviewed by the press, and I know how stressful it can be. But repetitious sound bites? What the hell is wrong with you? You end up sounding really dumb. Even I know that!  If you are asked about the idea of recession, don't actually answer the question: say the current economy makes you sick. If you are asked about tax-payer/homeowner bailouts, don't actually answer the question: say the current economy makes you sick.  

Sarah Palin has political experience. As a former mayor and now governor, she can at least draft an independent coherent thought.  Why won't they let her? And why would she agree to this method of interview, that makes her sound like an idiot. 

And before you make the obligatory "but Obama comment" remember that he has been interviewed by Mr. "I'm an idiot racist" O'Riley (I didn't spell it right, and I don't care) on Fox. Yep, the same man who blamed hip-hop for teen pregnancy and single-parent homes in poverty. True genius, right? And Obama did NOT use talking points. Obama doesn't use talking points. 

A huge part of this is experience. Of a different non-state-mayor kind. Of a worldly kind. I would assume Palin has it. Why doesn't she use it.

And, FYI, I have been interviewed approximately 5 times by different press. I had a one-on-one interview once. It is really hard. And with the press, you never know what they will latch on. But the only thing wrong with a bad soundbite is a whole bad interview. You would think that McCain's camp would know this.  

She's Not Really That Dumb

I am embarrassed by the ignorance that is Sarah Palin. She is a female reincarnation of the Bush act, taken on the road.  She suggests litigation that Obama has already sponsored and gotten signed into law.  She suggests changes that already exist. She says everything is sexist (while if a Black woman said that about race, she would be a laughing stock). 

The double standard in place is sad. Especially since the same people saying "don't treat her that way because she is a woman" were sharpening their knives to have another woman for dinner.  They talk tenderly about how someone's family should be out of bounds, after spending months attacking Obama's wife for claims of using the word "whitey".

The absolute icing on the cake has to be that Palin says she is a product of Title IX. If you don't know, title nine is a promise for equal attention (and money) for education for men and women. It was passed in the 70's. I had no idea Palin was a college athlete, because that has been the single impact of this legislation.  Title VII, however, is probably what she meant, but then again maybe not.  Title VII, and AA programs, have made the biggest impact on the number of women enrolled in higher education.  But then, that would mean actually knowing something about government and law. And Palin has shown that she is not very knowledgeable. 

I am not trying to be hard on her. I don't have a vindetta against women.  I do, however, dislike when people of inferior intelligence are used to give minorities or women a bad name. It's like when Barbie used to say she wasn't good at math. Why? So she could discourage women from showing aptitude. Palin is a Republican version of no-math Barbie. 

The Recession Brings Benefits to Young Workers

There a small benefits to be found in today's economic woe if anyone takes the time to look.  While it might be darn near impossible to find that job on wall street, young workers fresh out of college trying to meet their "American Dream" goals have a lot to be glad about.

1) The prime rate is down. This means that if you have any student loans, even private, they will be cheaper if you haven't consolidated.  Right now, my federal loan payments are nearly $200 dollars cheaper and my private loan payments are nearly $100 dollars cheaper.  And, I have time to sit and wait and see if the rate in fact goes down again. 

2) Homes are cheaper.  I have been looking at real estate and it looks a whole lot better than it did when I was about to graduate law school.  Condos that were going for over $200k suddenly are in the $180's. While I do feel bad about someone's lost value, I am glad that this means my 20% down payment will arrive faster, and I will be out of renting sooner than even I had planned.  

3) The evolution toward the outcome driven workplace is accelerated.  Face time is going away even faster. Because of high gas prices, employers are more likely to allow workers to work from home.  Which is good for young workers, who tend to be less into face time and more result driven.  This means that we can be with the ones we love AND meet the deadline.  Without the antiquated need for our employer to watch us work. 

4) Young workers haven't invested much yet, so they can play around with finding the right market mix for themselves to ride out the economic downturn.  Right now, one of the safest places for money is a savings account.  Many investments portfolios are tanking right now.  My 401K has been steadily losing money since the beginning of the year.  I would imagine that it is down by about 10% by now.  However, I can shift my focus.  Now I put less in the 401K and IRA, and put that money in my traditional savings accounts.  And I am young, so I have time to get it right. 

These are just a few things that I think are actually made better by the current economic climate.  While there is a lot of doom and gloom, benefits do exist for young workers who are trying to meet their personal, economic, and career goals. 

Falling Victim to Low Expectations

Growing up, my mother would read to us from the Bible every day. One verse admonishes believers to be the head and not the tail. For my mother, that meant that I had to be the best at everything. Mediocre was not rewarded. She also would read about Daniel to us on the morning before a big test. In case you don't know, God made him ten times smarter than everyone else. 

I continued this tradition in college. While everyone else was happy with an A, I was happy with a perfect score. Anything less had me really upset. 

I admit, I got a little off track in law school. They told me a B+ was good, so B+ it was. But, in the work world, I was assured over and over again in talks about the steep learning curve and up-or-out mentality of the law firm world that if I did not succeed, and kick butt while doing it, I would utterly fail.  Failure is a dirty word for me. First of all, I think that there is never an excuse for it. Clearly you did not try hard enough. If you are even at all competent you should be able to succeed at almost anything. Given my maxims, I thought I had found the perfect place for me.  

But I find that the work-world has all types of detours on the way to success, is littered with lower expectations for certain employees, and these are of a nature that even my mother's Bible quotes can't seem to fix. These expectations ultimately have nothing to do with your actual intelligence. Nothing to do with apt or ability.  They are perception-driven, even in an age where such philosophies have been proven wrong time and time again.  The first of these I have faced is gender.  The second is age or perceived experience.  And both can cause a worker to be seen through a distorted lens, and cause them to fall victim to another individuals low expectations. 

Male co-workers talk to female co-workers in either an authoritarian or coddling voice.  I really don't know what to do about this. It impacts how I am communicated with in a very negative way. It is different than how they talk to one another. I hear the bravado and shared confidence in their communication, with a little profanity thrown in for good measure. And I hear the kindness and pity in the communication to women. However, I have seen that if a woman imitates their communication, it is threatening. I am not saying all men. I am saying that I have observed this in a general way since my first job.  I once had an interview with a total jacka$$ in Ohio who was counsel for a hospital system right after my first year in law school. First of all, he had no intention of hiring me. But he wasted my time, didn't validate my parking, and talked down to me in a very soft voice.  Then informed me that he was certain that I was not ready to meet the challenges he faced as counsel for a hospital.  I have shadowed counsel for a hospital.   The guy I shadowed was great; I just didn't want to move back to Michigan.  Yes there are challenges, but for goodness sake, I was just going to be a summer intern.  And I had offered my services for FREE! I thought to myself, are you serious.  All I really wanted to do was curse him out. But I smiled, paid six dollars for parking, and promised myself that if I ever could, I would make sure he was fired. 

My second "working world" dilemma: older co-workers do one of two things to younger co-workers, both of which are inappropriate and reveal an unsubstantiated lack of confidence in the younger worker: they use "slang" to talk down to the younger co-worker or talk about the importance of "experience."  Slang is also used with the minority co-worker, but I won't get into that just yet.  But as for experience, the best part is, often the older worker has no idea how much experience the younger worker has. And people can appear younger than they actually are. A lack of experience does not mean you cannot do the job.  It just means that you might bring different tools to the job.  Young workers, and by young I mean those who are 20-30 and are in my generation, grew up at a time when lots of technology was developing and students had to learn to do things very quickly. While the current late highschool/early college student always had a computer with a gui interface, I remember my old green-screened MAC. I learned how to do everything that MAC could do in about a week, which is really good for an eight year old. Then I had to master the HewlettPackard PC my parents bought in high school. And master I did. Do you really think I can't learn your x,y, or z system in about a week? Try me!

Those are the two biggest obstacles I have faced since arriving in the working world at age 19.  I have learned that a lot of the maxims that worked in school, a place of objective measures and tests which I found very easy to navigate, are thrown to the wind with a place like corporate America where people desperately want their currency to be the only currency. Until there is an objective system to measure your value for your boss who thinks everyone should come up through the ranks like he did, or until there is an objective system for handing out projects for individuals who prefer co-workers who share the same chromosomes or look like them, these obstacles will need to be faced and compensated for.  

If I had a dollar for every time I have been told "here is something for you to do, and don't worry if you don't get it exactly right" when I have done the project in question before, and when my personal expectations are always so much higher, I would be able to buy myself a nice, used car.  When will people realize that the expectations you place on other can act as a motivation or disincentive, and cause an otherwise successful person to fail. 

Social Networking: The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread

Facebook is my ultimate past time. I constantly update my profile, status, and pictures to properly reflect my life. I think I am clever. I also think that I am making a name for myself.

Social networking sites have a lot of potential. Right now, it is becoming all the rage for companies to have a page on facebook. Several partners at my firm, who I wouldn't think to otherwise, have facebook pages. I wonder if it's marketing. But it is clever. People seem connected. And, as part of recruiting, I would review facebook pages of people I knew were being interviewed. Mostly to see if I knew them, to see if we had the same friends, and to see what kind of person they were. You can learn a lot from someone's pictures.

Because I know I have used them in the employment context, I never got to wild on social networking sites. I don't have pictures of myself upside down over a keg of beer. I don't have pictures of myself skinny dipping in the ocean. I do, however, have pictures of myself on vacation, with friends, and with whomever my current significant other happens to be. I think about what information I would like to share, and craft my profile to do just that. I want people to see me as a person, and get an accurate picture of who I am. If someone is turned off from me because of my linked in profile (my profile says I like to travel: who doesn't like to travel?), then they probably wouldn't like me anyway.

Even more than that, I use social networking sites to stay connected. It gives me something to talk about with friends I don't see that often, and allows me to share my life even with those I do. And I can't help but think that one day, these connections will come in handy, when I fulfill my life goals (more than just to be a pop-star/one hit wonder). Hopefully for every party involved.

Thoughts After a Long Weekend

The jury is still out on whether I like my job. I like what I do. I don't know if I like the other things that go with it. Like the fact that there are a lot of politics in the office. Or how I can't control my schedule, which makes it difficult to have a life. 

I promised myself this weekend that I would join a gym. Actually not any gym, but a gym a co-worker recommended that is supposed to be a really great and nice place. I guess I am looking for something to replace law school, a place with treadmills with individual flat screen tvs and a place that is so new and fresh the thought of taking a shower there doesn't make me break out in hives.  I succeeded in spending a lot of time with friends and getting some work done. I guess I will try the whole gym thing tomorrow.  Hopefully I can still afford a trainer.  A trainer is a complete must have. 

There is always tomorrow. 

Why a Review Does Not Tell You Everything You Need to Know About Your Job Performance

If I ran a company, I would never review my employees in a general way. Instead, I would force managers or individuals assigning tasks and projects to provide feedback on individual project by project basis. Why? Because when people draft these holistic reviews with boxes to check for satisfactory, meets expectations, or some other positive but uninformative lingo.

Add to this that reviews are generally held only once in an entire year, and the problem grows. You either get information that is too general to be helpful, or your reviewer only remembers the last things you did. If those last things are bad, you are really in trouble, because all of the prior good can be forgotten. There is a great chance you might not ever learn that you knocked three of four projects out of the ball park, and this last one was the only problematic one.  And, without that information it makes it more difficult to plead your case and your worth as an employee.

A final problem with the review structure is that often one person is assigned to do them, and he or she may or may not be the person you are actually working with. I have sat in reviews while my reviewer sought to decipher the handwriting of the individual who I had actually worked with. While I knew the feedback was good, it would have been most helpful for me to talk to that person, so that I could get the good, and the areas of improvement.  

What is more efficient? Working with someone on a project by project basis, and getting information straight from the source. I don't know about other industries, but in higher education and law this can be difficult to do. Humans avoid conflict. But to grow as an employee, you must get both your strengths and your areas for improvement. This allows you to develop ways to increase your worth and shore up the not so great parts.  This can insure that you don't end up with a pink slip for performance, and have no idea why.  Or have an endless cycle of poor fits for employment. 

My suggestions:

1) Consistently ask for feedback. This means, when you work with someone ask them what you did well and what you could do better. If individuals you generally work with are uncomfortable doing this, find someone who is (there are people who feel born to do this in every company) and try to work with them for a while. This can help you see your areas of strength and weakness. Also, you can start the discussion by pointing out things they already say to get the ball rolling. This will require time, creativity and thought, but as this is your career and livelihood, it's a small price to pay. 

2) Ask someone you trust what the general consensus is about your work. This is a great way to gauge the opinion in the company about you.  This person must be sufficiently trusted and in the know to provide you with the truly helpful feedback you need. Many times, when reviewing the trainwreck that is a complaint in a court or a situation where an employee is about to be fired by a client, I see situations where an employee was going downhill fast, no one really knew how to tell them, and the employee had no one to turn to. Relationships with individuals in the company in a position to help you, be they co-workers in the know, subordinates with great relationships, or individuals in positions above you, is integral to your career success.  In almost every firing situation I have seen, there were certainly little steps the employee could have taken along the way to turn things around. 

3) Be honest with yourself.  If you know you could have done better on that project, then you did not turn in stellar product. If you know you have been drinking way too hard, coming in with a hangover every day, and not paying attention at work, your work product is slipping. If you know your desk is becoming a backup zone, and projects you get take weeks to see the light of day, seek help immediately. Don't wait and let the situation get worse; the only person truly invested in your career is you.

4) Take a hint. If no one wants to work with you, if you struggle for repeat business, or if you see individuals outside of your group called in to pick up the slack though you find yourself not terribly busy, this is a giant danger sign. You need to find someone who is accessible and talk to them about how to repair your image.

If you are honest, and have a good insider to provide you with a true picture of your company reputation, you can see a pink slip coming from miles away, and find ways to divert it's arrival. Waiting for an annual review is simply not enough; if a problem goes on for an entire year, you had best be looking for a new job. 

A Quick Shout Out

So yesterday I read a really great article about Michelle Obama (who I am a little bit obsessed with because she is totally the best thing since sliced bread and reminds me of my own potential). And it mentioned the by far greatest man at Harvard Law School (where I got my JD from): Professor Ogletree. Ogletree is amazing! He is down to earth, but super connected. And he cares about his students. He was/is Michelle Obama's mentor. Which makes me like her even more. Because, quite frankly, Ogletree is amazing. And if you have the good sense to stay connected to him, you are probably pretty amazing too!

If you ever have an opportunity to hear him talk, you should go. He just might be at a law school near you (he travels a lot). He believes that you truly can do good, and do well. And his life attests to it.

Avoiding the Office Dating Drama

My summer as an intern at my law firm, as one of the firm acitivities, the summer interns went to the beautiful house of one of the then associates, who is now a partner, and somehow the discussion involving all women intern and associates turned to dating. Like who was dating who, and what drama dating created. It was enjoyable and funny, and reminded me why I like the group of people I work with so much (how often is it that you get to work with someone who was destined to be your best friend?). But it also made me worried about the possible intersection between dating and work.

It seems that quite a few associates (and partners?) have found love in the office. A lot of the cutest couples here started dating when they were both employed at the same place. And it has worked out for many. But there are also the horror stories, like associates who get caught in a compromising position with partners. Associates or partners who are married to other people caught in compromising positions. Stories about how female and male associates get ahead on their backs. And the list goes on. Furthermore, a rumor like this about a co-workers really makes the respect quotent take a dive. And makes people wonder if that individual is really competent at their job. When I was interviewing for summer intern positions in law school, I was repeatedly propositioned, and I do know that some students followed up on the numerous offers. I was, thankfully, very happily dating. I wonder, what would have happened if I did go back to the hotel room with the tall, brooding partner? Would anyone respect me now, if I had also chosen to work with someone who gave me a position because of how good I was in bed?

Right now, I am single, and I realize that with all the time and energy I put into work, I probably won't spend very much time with people I don't work with, even with my new vow to really try and get out there. And even if they don't work at the same office, most of the people I meet who have dating potential are people who I inadvertently work with or for. The rules are difficult for this whole work-with/date situation. And I know I don't want to deal with rumors. But I also really really want to be happy, and not close off the perhaps most valuable avenue for finding that special someone. Because dating a lawyer really isn't that bad, especially when you can share lawyer humor jokes ;) And, another lawyer will definitely understand my hectic up and down schedule, my frustration with strange things, and my passion for doing good and doing well.

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

There is a coming revolution in employment in the United States. I really think that the tide is turning against the at-will employee relationship, at least with skilled employees.  This weekend, at a wedding with some of my wonderful friends, I realized just how uncommitted we are to our employers, and just how much we appreciate flexibility.  

Contract employment, or employment "agreements" will be the new norm. Employers want to retain top talent. Employers also want to poach young talented employees from other employers who train them.  

That is good news in a market like this, especially for highly skilled employees. In the legal industry, law firms are making promises to not fire attorneys, no matter what, and are still spending lavishly on recruiting.  Law firms know as other industries know or will find out. There is a need for young educated workers, and they aren't loyal to a company, and they are desperate for some type of balance. Furthermore, because they saw what happened in the 90's with the layoffs and the over-kill, and they know that there is no loyalty to the employee, but only the bottom line. 

Perhaps the law firms are lying. Perhaps corporations will continue the hire and fire cycle, continuous with the economic upturns and downturns. But I can't help but hope that there will be solidarity in the ranks, and the good talented young people will band together and show employers that they won't be treated like pawns to be sacrificed to the god of revenue.  And maybe, but maybe, the corporate heads will think twice before they hand out those pink slips. 

Effective Discipline

So last night, when I was at work at like 10:30PM doing the most boring thing that lawyers do (aka reviewing documents) my boyfriend made an interesting comment: he said I have a lot of discipline. Whether or not this is true depends on what your view of discipline is.

I usually hear quite the opposite from the health nuts in my life. While I am vegetarian, I love, love, love junk food. And I refuse to eat anything that doesn't taste good. And isn't what I want at the moment. I eat, unfortunately, tons of sugar. And I also like french fries with my ketchup and salt. And I find myself incapable of making myself exercise consistently (thank God for a good metabolism). In my general life, I am very low on the whole discipline thing.

But, I admit that I have the fortitude to do something I hate but I realize must be done for hours on end. I can, with small breaks, write a paper for three days straight that has become so yesterday I just want it to be over with. The paper was actually quite good. I can, with small breaks, do almost anything for hours and hours on end, pushing the limits of physical possibility, simply because I must. I can, quite frankly, make myself do anything. The trick is, that anything must be something I realize I must do to get what I want.

But so can anyone else. The difference, I think, is in the idea of discipline. Someone else who has to take themselves to the gym by force, and even then only averages once a week on a good week might think that they just don't have it in them to study for six hours in three hour incriments every day for several months for a test to see if they can in fact get in graduate school. For me, it was a no brainer. I would sit for hours on end reading barbri books and testing, testing, testing for the LSAT. Even though some days it is physically impossible for me to make myself eat a single healthy meal (my body refuses!).

Discipline, the effective kind in my opinion, is knowing when to use it. You can't possibly use it all the time; you will burn out. There is only so much energy to be had to wrangle yourself into doing something that is not fun and, at times, if given a choice you would rather poke your eyes out. You must choose. I choose to expend my energy when it is essential, i.e. when I can see the nachos on my thighs so I simply must head to the gym.

Looking for Signs of Job Danger? While They Might Be Cryptic, They Are There!

Last week, a law firm fired 96 associates, partners, and other attorneys on staff. This was the second time this law firm fired associates this year. The first cut was 30+. So far, this firm has "trimmed" over 10% of their workforce.  And, according to the blogs I read on these topics (WSJ, ATL), not just the practice areas most readily affected by the sudden economic downturn were impacted.  Associates from practice groups all over the firm lost their jobs. 

But there were signs. Other than the obvious economic down turn. But a lot of firms have not fired 10% of their workforce. A lot of firms have simply scaled back on hiring. Or have found other ways to cut back.  Were there signs that the associates were in trouble at this particular firm?

The day after the firings were announced, the midlevel associate survey came out. And guess what firmed scored the worst on the survey? Yes, the firm that fired all the associates.

In a time of economic downturn, if you want to find out if you are about to get the axe for no fault of your own, ask yourself a few questions:

1. Does my employer specialize in an area that is going obsolete or struggling because of economic changes? Unless your employer can quickly turn things around, which is very very difficult for a large or difficult company (like, say, a law firm), you could be walking the pavement soon, searching for new employment.

2. Does my employer has a serious morale problem? You know the signs when you see it, all the employees huddled together complaining, usually nice bosses yelling and frazzled, wildly popular employees taking a lot of "sick time" while looking completely healthy.  Your employer is sinking like a ship, and unless you want to sink too, quickly work on your resume.

3. Does your employer sees employees as fungible, only thinks about profit, and you know that they would axe you in a second on the bottom line? A lot of law firms are desperately increasing their bottom line (and not the bottom line that enriches the associate) at whatever cost.  Some companies say reputation be damned. They don't understand the new workers and how, while money is enticing, they don't want to sell their souls. And while I think that these companies will suffer in the long run, the current administration of non generation Xers really thinks that this will just blow over. Or maybe they haven't learned from the past. Either way, if you notice the higher ups getting testy, or really quiet, and you know that they don't care at all about the little peons actually making them money, maybe you should dust that resume off and get busy. 

4. Are other employees disengaged, or lost in the office.  When a large portion of the employees spend their day avoiding work, or when the work distributed is not properly explained or delegated, employees are going to be lost and disengaged.  Whey they are, they aren't being productive. And the company will suffer. In this economic environment, disengaged employees are going to lead to layoffs. 

One, or maybe even two of these signs are not a sure sign of impending layoffs. But if you have under-worked, disgruntled employees, and a power structure that doesn't value the little, profit producing guy, you are headed for trouble.  

Weekend Recap, and How I Almost Keyed Someone's Car

Thie past weekend was my moveout weekend. It was also the weekend closest to my boyfriend's birthday. So I was out of town when I should have been packing boxes and cleaning. Needless to say, that is what Monday and Tuesday were for, around a busy work schedule and other elements of drama. But it went suprisingly smooth. Even though I lost the number to the movers. Even though I thought that the move would take longer than the slated 2 hours. Even though I thought I had too much stuff.

On Thursday, after buying $80 worth of packing material, I attempted to find a parking space on my ever crowded street. Gripe no 893 about living in the midwest: people do not know how to park. Most of the parking areas can fit five cars. Most of the time they only have three, poorly parked and completely in the way vehicles of ditzy college girls who can't seem to understand that proper parallel parking requires you to back into the space. As you can see, I love my neighbors.

I properly approached a parking space, pulling ahead to back into it. Then all of a sudden, another car took the spot pulling forward. I was like, wow. Then I had a flashback to a moment in Boston, when I did the same thing, and the woman got out and threatened to key my car. But I am a Christian. I did not key this person's car. I drove up to my building, dropped off the boxes, and parked around the corner. But as I walked back to my building, past the prime parking space that was stolen from me, I had an unbelievable urge to pop the key out of my Volkswage Jetta key fob and send a line of hate down this horrid girl's white paint. But I quickly shook away the thought. This is not the east coast. I found another parking space not too far away. Boy, but Boston has forever changed me.

This incident was followed by a trip to the airport, where once again I received dirty stares from pedestrians I practically ran over with my luggage. I wasn't late; I was just in my perpetual state of moving quickly. Maybe it's because I have been working late. Maybe it's because I have been sleeping more. Or maybe it's because I will never adjust to a slow pace of life again. Actually, now to think of it, I have never done anything slow. I don't wait; I act. It's actually not a bad thing for a lawyer; not being afraid to act. But it is a horrible thing at the water park, when I rushed my boyfriend (on his birthday visit none-the-less) to pick what rides he wanted to ride. At one point, I think he gave up. I felt bad. But darn it, he was slow!

An eventful weekend.

Why Diversity is so Much Harder than You Think!

Diversity is much more difficult than people think because it's not all about whether or not you "like" one particular "race" or another. It's not about whether generalities are real, or whether one group is more disadvantaged than another. It is really about personal preference and comfort level, and how these reinforce the current power structure and lock individuals outside. It's about how people prefer people who look like them, and reserve what is good and best for those individuals. And as those who hold the power generally look very different from me, and are a different gender, this is very disconcerting.  It is about how minorities are uncomfortable being in the minority, because from an early age everything around them tells them they are different, and whatever culture they identify with must seek to insulate them from the popular culture. Diversity is really hard because of how we are raised. Take where you live: 

Currently, in the United States, cities are being revitalized. And cities are changing, from bastions of "diversity" as cities once majority one race or another are finding it harder and harder to hold on to their diversity. I don't think that they were ever really diverse to begin with. I think that people prefer people who look like them, mostly because of what you are told, and mostly because of what you are used to.

When I was in the 10th grade, someone took my books and my calculator. I wasn't sure who did it. I told a relative that I was worried about the situation, because I knew my mother would not buy me another calculator. I was going to "confront" the girl who did it.  It turns out my mother just bought me a second calculator, but what my relative told me as a cautionary approach to the situation has never left my mind: be careful, "they" will gang up on you if you say one of "them" did it. 

In 10th grade, I went to a school where I was very much in the minority. It was a Christian school. Aside from absolutely hating it, and almost all of the teachers who I felt were out to get me, being the young, headstrong, and independent girl that I was, this situation was made more problematic because none of my teachers were minorities like me, and this was a first.  I grew up in a Black working class neighborhood in Ohio. I went to a Black church. And these people were different to me because they looked different. I can only imagine how they viewed me; I dressed differently, talked differently, and looked nothing like them.  I had long dark brown hair at the time, and was a skinny ball of rebellion. I had just moved back to Ohio after a short stay in Georgia. This is after I was sent to a boarding school for rebellious teens, and then ran away.  At this school, I remember someone touching my hair and remarking that it was soft. I felt very uncomfortable; why was his hand in my head? My mother told me if someone did that again, to make them regret it. When a girl tried sometime later, I told her she might lose her hand. 

Some people who hear my stories have asked me if I think that my family is racist. Someone said that when they heard a story I wrote in college. I just think that my family is honest. The first thing people notice about me is that I am Black.  People perceive me to be different. My mother's comments were her way of trying to protect me from the cruel harsh world. While I know I am no different than any other homo sapiens on the inside, and I know about the experiences and the human truth we share, some people honestly think that they have nothing in common with the human being next to them if they have a different amount of melanin in their skin. And even if you do; what does it mean?  

I am comfortable almost anywhere, and this is a gift from my father. But I must say that, when I have a choice, I chose people who I perceive to be like me. It doesn't fall along race lines though or because of gender. And I like people who smile a lot. My family is diverse; I can't pick and chose like that without leaving someone I love outside the circle.  But I do think twice, in new environments where I am different. And I can't help but wonder what other people think.  My professor in law school said that minorities are drafted; we are forced to be representatives for our "race". Whatever that means, though mostly I think that if I mess up, I will be remembered as the "Black" girl who messed up, no matter how many people mess up before or after me.  

For the Love of Blogs!

Blogs are the new book. No really, they are. Practically real time writing from your favorite author in tiny bits that are easy to process and leave you wanting more. Don't believe me? Check out this site: www.leveragedsellout.com. I'll give you a minute. Yeah, you know you like it! 

As an avid reader I have discovered that good books, well, are starting to be more and more difficult to come by. Maybe it is because the national collective reading level is falling. Maybe it's because of the current president (people blame everything else on him; why not this?).  The letdown of making a $20 investment at Borders or Barnes & Nobles in a very non-entertaining and subpar written book is painful. It is so much better to read blogs now; the high of finding a new favorite writer and hearing their adorable prose is even better than the occasional $20 investment that pans out. 

Also, blogs are available on lots of different topics with many different voices. I happen to like "lawyer humor" and it is wonderful to find a perspective of a practicing attorney, professor, or even law student that really tickles my funny bone. Also, blogs tend to link to other blogs. You can find a whole string of favorites, like a gold mine, from one site. This is especially good on my other favorite blogging topic: celebrities. I don't like meeting them, but I love to read about them. It's like cooking!

The only down side is your favorite blog-author (blogger?) may not updated frequently. Or, their writing might not be consistently interesting, or even consistent. So you may spend days waiting for the next great post.  Having multiple blogs you visit solves this problem though. And having one consistent site for each of your favorite topics.

A Little Bit of Paranoia is Good

My biggest complaint about my summer experience at my current law firm was that my fellow summers were, to put it bluntly, boring and paranoid. They were not fun. They were very conservative. Well, almost all of them.

And while I was very sad to have no one to party with that summer but my beautiful but very busy defending her thesis roommate, their strategy paid off. We all got offers (all the conservative ones; I was conservative by default because I wasn't about to use my final option on those boring Saturday nights and go out with my boyfriend!). Businesses/law firms like their employees boring and the same. After working in the business world in general, and law firm work in specific, this is my final answer.

I think that at least initially, I didn't understand the market. I work in the midwest; people actually get married here (rather than obsess over it, but never do anything because in reality they like their single lives). People have children here, and I do mean more than one. People stay married too, even though they are unhappy. And it is the norm. And married people, they don't go out and party till 3 or 4 in the morning, sleep for three hours, and roll into work wearing the same eye shadow they were wearing last night. I do know that now. I haven't partied on a week night in so long, I don't remember what it feels like. Except I do remember that it ended tragically (ie was an adventure with the boyfriend).

There are a few perks to this new lifestyle though. I don't know how I would afford all the going out clothes and the work clothes. Banana Republic is kind of expensive regular priced and I don't think that Gap cuts it all that well anymore. Furthermore, I have experienced enough department store suits to know that they literally fall apart (the Macy's ones). I can't go to court with one hem longer than the other (I tried; not pretty).

I see the summer associates doing the same thing this summer. They are very boring. But maybe that is a good thing for their careers. And I wonder, maybe this is all part of growing up and why you shouldn't be at the same parties that college students are at when you have a job. Maybe it is a good thing that I left my college and law school town to be employed. But what, oh what, does a post-graduate school but still young a hip girl do to have fun around this place? Acceptably, I mean.

Sadness

My great short story writer's goal used to be, aside from having a book of them as cleverly written as "Runaway", to have my story published in the New Yorker. They publish only the most fabulous and interesting short stories and poems. I am fabulous and interesting (to me!) and so, if I ever have a short story finished, it is a match made in heave. Amid pages of half finished manuscripts, there is a note to myself about this, to inspire me to finish at least one.

But alas, today, after seeing the satirical picture depicting Obama, a Black man in America, as a terrorist (I have walked through the airport with my father, who happens to be a very tall and large (in a muscular way) biracial man and after 9/11 frightened everyone even more; it is an incredibly humiliating and disturbing experience and I would not wish it on anyone innocent) and his wife Michelle as some strange militant (really, she was a law firm associate for goodness sake; you can't be that militant), I have forever tabled that dream.

Now I will never finish a short story. The "Runaway" goal is far too ambitious (even for me) and there isn't another publication in my short list of unrealistic publication places with the New Yorker's buzz for short stories. Alas, yet another secondary career goal bites the dust (the last one was actress; tradgic, very tradgic).

Who care's who you sleep with (if you're not sleeping with me)

Today (Sunday, July 13), there was a replay of a 60 minutes segment about don't ask don't tell. I must admit that I don't understand a lot of things, the military included, but I do understand the stupidity of deciding about someone because of something that has nothing to do with you (race/gender/sexual orientation).

Listening to the army commander talk about how a macho and manly man cannot be homosexual, and US soldiers are more macho than any other soldiers in the world, I thought about how ignorant he sounded. And the language they use is just like the language people used during World War II to talk about Black troops in the US army. The US military, in it's defense, did integrate in the 40's, before almost any other public or private entity.

But why, why are people obsessed with aspects that other's can't control. And that have nothing to do with the people who are worried about them. Melanin doesn't rub off. You can't catch someone's sexual orientation like a cold. You won't become a woman by working with (or under) one.

Everyone is NOT a Leader, and Other Obvious Employment Truths

If there is one thing working at a law firm has taught me, it is that everyone is not management material. The skills that you need to be a very good attorney are not the same skills that you need to be a very good supervisor, and, if my experience is any indicator, there is very little overlap.

But law, and other careers, force people who grow to be supervisors who probably would rather not. I don't understand this, or some other aspects of our culture that don't allow people to be very good at what they do but rather mediocre in search of being very good at something they aren't very good at. 

Let me explain by example:

I happen to think that I am a pretty good lawyer. But you know what I am naturally really really good at? Cleaning. Yep! Everything about my personality makes the act of cleaning something I both enjoy and am spectacularly good at. I realized this the other day as I enjoyed scrubbing the kitchen floor in my boyfriend's apartment, and sweeping the bathroom. Gross? Not to me. Because I get an immense pleasure out of seeing it clean and sparkling, and if I want that feeling again, I just wait, and a few days later it will again need cleaning. In fact, I enjoy few things better than seeing things clean. It's my personality: perfectionist, detail oriented, a little OCD. I know that if being a cleaning person wasn't a bad thing, and if people wouldn't consider my education wasted, and if society wouldn't be so hard on me and tell me that I could do better, I would be a professional cleaner. And I would love it. I do it for fun. Why not pay me?

And a variation of my "deferred" cleaning dream happens to very good lawyers; the higher you go the less real lawyering you do. And the more supervisor you become. In most professions, the higher up you get the more your job evolves. And we are told this should happen. But should it really happen? Why can't we find something we are really good at, and that gives us joy, and do it to the fullness of our potential? Why must it be complicated by forcing elements and job requirements that are unrelated and that alter our function? Why it is assumed that if you are good at your job you will be a good teacher/leader/supervisor? The skill set for one is not equal to the other. 

This, along with the fact that prestige eliminates certain career choices, really gets to me. Because I believe that human beings are happier if they can incorporate things that make them happy into things that make them money. So work will be a career instead of a job. 

By the way, I could never fulfill my thwarted cleaning desires as a stay at home mom. Too political. So I feel I will just fulfill them once a week, when I clean and sanitize my entire kitchen and dining room area. There is nothing like a spotless kitchen (and I do mean spotless)!

What Those Job Postings/Advertisements Really Mean

Every year, senior college students, senior high schoolers, and college students going home for the summer begin to search, around March if they are like me, for jobs either for the summer or for "real life". And job postings, like every other aspect of the "employment industry" are trendy, and follow certain patterns. An example: everyone is looking for a "self-starter" these days.  This is an evolution of the statement "highly motivated individual" and it's predecessor "experience needed".  The thing is, theses phrases are a signal for something even more problematic: that the employer does not have a set training program in place for these new employees.  And furthermore, the employer would like the save the time and money necessary for that set training program by simply applying a "sink or swim" model to your employment experience with them. 

No matter how "experienced" you are, every company does things differently.  So the "self-starter" beware; no matter how driven you are, you can't do a job you don't know how to do.  And as young workers are accustomed to direction, teamwork, and being rewarded for following a formula for success (with their own twist, of course), being placed in a position where the rules are fuzzy, and the direction uncertain is a very problematic position. No matter how much "experience" you have (life or otherwise) being asked questions you don't know the answer to, at work in a high pressure position will never be fun. 

"Entry level" often means repetitive or even menial. It involves things like stocked printers and note taking, with the prospect of sitting in on a conference call in silence.   Be sure that there is a clear path for career growth, because you don't want to wake up three years from now, and still have the same responsibility, requirements, and job.

People/service oriented is a tricky one. It most often signifies sales. These can be wonderful job opportunities, but only if they suit your personality. If they do not, often part of your compensation is connected to your ability to make sales, and this can be very problematic. 

However, if "people/service oriented" doesn't mean sales, it can mean you will be part of a company's support staff positions. This is another career option where you must know what you want, and the potential for growth.  Also, in certain industries, these are very challenging positions. For example, in law, a legal assistant position pays very well, but has a steep learning curve. They can't teach you everything; it depends strongly on the needs of the fee earners you work for.  One lawyer might expect you to understand complicated legal software programs, and maintain busy aspects of their professional schedule.  Meeting an attorney like this early in your career might derail it (from personal experience). 

Finally, every job description highlights the good. There are, however, bad parts to every job. What you want to find out is just how bad these are, and how much of your workload they will entail.  This can be achieved by asking two questions: what are the additional job responsibilities of this position? (and) how much of this position will entail this or that particular job function?  If they don't list a function that is 50% of the time you will spend doing your job, or they can't tell you, this is a bad sign.   

Interviewing is like dating: companies put their best face forward, and hide all the flaws of a particular position.  But if you, like I, have had relationships and jobs where the hidden aspects outweighed the positive and made you regret the decision, you will want to take a closer look and read between the lines. Thankfully nothing lasts forever, but going into a situation prepared can make all the difference.