Standing By Your Man

Yesterday when the news about Eliot Spitzer broke, there was his wife standing right beside him. At first, I wasn't sure how I felt about it. I am quite certain I can think of quite a few things she would have been doing, like throwing his clothes out a window for example, that would have been more helpful to her (throwing things is therapeutic, trust me).

But, as I stood in line to get food at the little cafe downstairs from my office with the story on the big screen in the background it hit me: she already knew. And, maybe, just maybe, there is a piece of her that knew this was a possibility when she married him, acknowledged something we women in law school said behind hushed doors when we realized just how much the men we attended school with were capable of: they all (or almost all) cheat.  At my law school, the men seemed to have a run of the place.  But it wasn't just the law school; at all the professional schools where I dated men I saw them star struck by the female possibilities. What's a girl to do? Me: I didn't date. But I realize now that I merely prolonged the inevitable. 

Now I fully recognize that this is a controversial/sexist thing to say: all men cheat. And I don't believe it. But I do think that acknowledging the statistics and reality of the world we live in is what allows a woman to stand by her man in adversity (even cheating adversity) and face reality that no, things will not always be happy for her because she said "I do."

Furthermore, there are benefits to marriage that extend far beyond the comfort of having sexual relations without fear with your mate (I hope that she is not, but that is none of my business).  Marriage is profitable to those involved. People who marry tend to make more money than those who don't.  The men live longer. And marriage is helpful for professionals, it is part of the package, even for women.  

And who do you marry? The men you encounter in life.  And say, for example, like me, you go to law school, a woman in my position almost can't help but marry a fellow professional.  And most likely a lawyer.  Great earning potential, and an understanding partner.  Professionals, legal ones that is, are very busy people; you work and work and work.  A mate who gets home everyday at 4 will need to entertain himself for at least two hours. And how will he do this? 

Yes, how will he do this. Marry a professional and hope for the best.  Either way, they still might end up entertaining themselves for a few hours. Hope they do so alone.