Career Advice: An Affair at Work Will Probably Ruin Your Job

I happen to think that, for many people in marriages or relationships they have no business being in, an affair is unavoidable. I know that many people are uncomfortable even discussing the idea of infidelity. Or in acknowledging just how prevelant it is. But it happens. Especially at work. And while it is not ideal it is expected. Sometimes people find real love. More often than not, they find a headache. But an affair for love is one thing. An affair for power is another. And it will seriously, seriously undermind your career. Because afterwards, no one will take you seriously.

I realize just how easy it is for one to occur; I almost had one while in law school. In my defense, I didn't know he was married. I was glad I wasn't a home wrecker, but felt very insulated by my lack of knowledge, and went along my merry way.

But I look at it much differently now, when the person I would be entering the relationship with would have a certain power over my career. I see it differently because, well, I want to be successful. And I want to be taken seriously. And one sure way to not be taken seriously is to be seen as a sex object.

In college, I was told the tragic story of a PhD student who had an affair with her advisor. Everything went great. Until he became possessive. And didn't want her fraternizing with other male professors. Which was all of the professors she had. It really hurt her career in the long run.

I see some of the same issues in the work world. Women who have affairs have a certain stigma. The man and woman involved can lose their jobs when there is a severe power imbalance. The male with a reputation of sleeping with his subordinates will be viewed in a negative light. Women are leary of their interest. Other men, especially subordinates, view them in a different light, and want to distance themselves from their tactics (unless they are like them, which is a whole different story). But the way that women talk about women who have affairs to move up the career ladder made me resolve never, ever to do such a thing. Unless I love him. And unless I plan to change jobs. No female takes a female colleague seriously when she feels her colleague  got ahead on her back. Plain and simple. And I am sure that it applies to males as well.