Learning to endure critique, even harsh critique that makes your blood boil, is part of being employed. People have bad days, and they take it out on you. People don't do things they need to do. And they take it out on you too. I don't mind critique at work, and at school it's like water off a duck's back (I think that's the right phrase, but maybe it's a fish?). But when it comes to my personal life, I am not quite so agile.
When I was a sophmore in college, I learned this. When I almost said something really unkind to a guy who kept picking on me for how I look. I really didn't understand it; I happen to think I am quite cute. But he kept making comments. And I was getting ready to tear into him. And my friend says to me: is it worth it. And it wasn't. And I didn't. I swallowed my comment, and learned to avoid this person.
Now I am a very particular person in my personal interactions. I have my views on things, and if I am comfortable with you I am not afriad to share them. I grew up in an environment where, even at age 4, I was treated like an expert on something, and I learned to defend how I felt. But I never ever had to defend things I couldn't control. And I learned, for the first time in my life, that certain things could be liabilities.
For example, I don't look my age. Not in the way that non-Black people claim all Black people don't look their age, but in a "I'm 25 and I got carded at the theatre last time I went" way. In law school I regularly got hit on by incoming freshman (into college) and highschool students on the bus. It was humiliating, but I got used to it. But I really can't help it. Sure I can cut my hair. And I can wear glasses. But that only adds a few months at best. I still get told I look like I am in highschool. And it's ok for me. However, if you keep bringing it up, that's annoying. People have even suggested that it will hamper my career. I did everything within my power to stop myself from a stinging comeback. I am actually really good at stinging comebacks. But I am nice. So I hardly use them.
Another thing that really really annoys me is when people comment about my voice. I have a high voice. Someone once called it fairy like. I don't know how fairies sound, but I think it sounds better than what I get from the annoying commentators (mouse-like) so I'll run with it. I happen to think it is soothing. If telemarketers call they ask for my mother. I once had a tow truck person refuse to come and tow my defunct car in college because he didn't think I was old enough. I was 21 at the time. I realize that it is a problem sometimes, like anything can be. But, it is also a benefit. I can talk people into things like you wouldn't believe. I cannot stand it, though, when people treat me like it is a complete liability. Or like I have never heard anyone comment on it before. Like all the jokes I got when I got accepted into law school, about how no one would take me seriously in court. By the third or fourth one, I was really really mad. By the tenth or eleventh, I actually ended friendships.
Personal critique is not my strong point. But then again, I don't think that it should be. In other areas of one's life, improvements can be made. You can become a better writer. You can become a better almost anything. But you can't make your voice deeper (no matter what Oprah tells you!). Or make yourself look older, not by that much. You can only learn to capatlize and learn from your distinguishing characteristics.
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