What friends and family teach us, if we pay attention

I love my family. And I love my friends. But I must admit that mixing the two causes me a lot of grief. Mostly because I am not a planner, not when it comes to other people, and mostly because I don't take criticism of things I can't control well. But in the little adventures I have experienced as far back as I can remember, I have gained valuable self-perspective, and learned a lot about the inevitable. 

I strongly believe we all must learn our limits. I learned mine through my family and friends, in a setting far removed from school or work. I learned when I was young, maybe 7, that I was not good with mixing people. Or with a lot of people in general, but that is for another time (what to do as an extroverted introvert, coming soon). My family is a very particular bunch, as are many families, and when it comes to mixing people I always have a lot of trepidation. Like when I did a play at school, and my mother commented on the quality of everything. To me, like it was my fault. I realized I have limits for accepting criticism. I was not the one who swept the gym floor and left a large pile of dust in the corner. 

Or the time one of my best friends called my house, and no one told me. And she got mad at me, and said that the person hung up on her. She thought it was because she isn't black. I assured her that no one could tell over the phone. And I realized that I am totally not a go between.

Or when I learned, recently, that I cannot work around my family. They expect me to be entertaining them. I don't mind entertaining, but I have to be able to pay the rent. And, again, I am not a planner. I cannot predict things that people will like (I have friends who are really good at this, and I appreciate them all the more, and call them for suggestions). So often we end up looking at each other while they shoot down my ideas, and I can't leave anyone at home for fear of looking rude. 

I have learned some good things too about myself.  I am a really good helper. Thanks to a fastidiously clean mother, I am really really good at cleaning and have an eye for detail. And I enjoy using this to help others, be it sweeping a dorm room to help a friend who is moving out, or critiquing a boyfriend's thesis paper (I have done this for a lot of "boyfriends").  Thanks to a very close knit family, I am really good with one-on-one settings, and know very few people who I haven't been able to win over in that environment.  This helps in any situation, including work,  because I can find something to talk about with anyone.  And thanks to the many many miniature disasters I endured in grade school and high school thanks to my inability to plan and inability to act as a go-between in social settings, I have learned that nothing is forever, people do forget, and if someone is really your friend, they will love you for your good points and not your bad.  And learning your limits is a good thing, as well as the things you can't control.  

This type of self-perspective is invaluable in the employment context, at least if you are honest with yourself about what your family and friends are showing you about yourself.  It's the silver lining to the feedback your family endlessly provides.